Saturday, February 5, 2011

Things I've stopped doing since I've gotten old

This entry was prompted by a recent post on TGB which was a "repost" from an earlier time.

I was hesitant to start making a list titled "Things I've Stopped Doing since I've gotten old."
I told myself ... Self, if you start writing about it, when and how will you ever stop?
I had no answer nor did SELF. Here goes!

Using toilet paper - I now use infant wet wipes. Please don't ask what you may be thinking.
Shopping.
Driving on Interstates or Expressways except in an emergency.
Drinking anything with sugar in it.
Running at any time.
Walking fast unless Jenny is dragging me.
Driving 6 thousand miles a year.
Sleeping in my wife's bed unless I'm taking a nap and she's not home.
Wearing anything that isn't casual. I kept one suit for funerals. I don't need one for my own.
Seeing anything clearly.
Taking a bath. I shower instead.
Going to a barber shop.
Walking someplace if I can drive there instead.
Spending all day on a computer.
Sex ... Participating in it, not thinking about it.
Making long range plans.
Buying green bananas.
Worrying about my weight. It's hopeless.
Working on something that can only be done while on my knees.
Carrying anything that weighs over 50 pounds.
Hunting.
Fishing while standing up or squatting.
Believing there is anything I can't do if I set my mind to it.
Long distance traveling via any means of conveyance.
Using tobacco in any of its forms.
Staying anywhere there are people smoking tobacco in an enclosed area.
Thinking that bad things only happen to other people.
Believing that I don't need a loaded weapon or two in my home.
Believing that all other drivers are not out to hurt themselves or ME.
Thinking that I'll never live past the age of 40 years, 50 years, 60 years or 70 years.
Being in or near a group of people during winter months or the flu season.
Knowingly staying around anyone with a cold or who has uttered the words "I don't feel well."
Watching those abused animals ads paid for by the ASPCA or other animal charity.
Thinking that I did the right thing by crossing party lines to vote for President Obama.
Thinking or stating that I'm not afraid to die.
Bending over, touching the floor without flexing my knees.
Doing chin-ups and push-ups.
Showing off my bicep guns.
Denying that I have "MOOBS" or that I'm not in too bad a shape for an old man.
Believing that I will finish that Sci-Fi novel I started some 15 years ago.
Believing that there's someone out there who needs to read this list.

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