Wednesday, October 16, 2013

True Confessions about Senior Sex

For most of my adult life, I've often stated … If God made something better than sex when he made mankind … He must have kept it for Himself, either that or I've been sheltered from exposure to it.  That goes along with another old saying … One cannot miss what one has not experienced.

What courage all the commenters here have and I include myself in sharing that opinion.  I may be wrong but so far only females have contributed to this topic.  I do so reluctantly because I know myself so well. 

On April third, my wife and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary. We still LOVE one another in all the ways it can be demonstrated but there has been no sex for a long time.  It's almost impossible for me to convey to another person exactly how much I miss it in our relationship. I almost lost her over two years ago.  Thank God, she is still with us.  Heart failure came with her genetic heritage.  Every relative she has lost was due to some form of heart condition.  I cannot bear thinking about what life would be like now without her.  Even if I could perform sexually, I'm not sure I would risk it out of fear that such exertion might kill one or both of us.  I remember what I felt like afterward.  It was everything all the great writers say it should be and at times, I believe I could have just faded away into the ether as we lay there side by side after expressing our love so vigorously.

I'm doing my best to refrain from going into something humorous right now. Actually, it's a very serious topic and one we know so little about because so few are willing to do what some here have done. TALK ABOUT IT!

You did an expert job of it yourself Ronni.  If only all of us could express ourselves as eloquently as you and not cross over some forbidden line.

I am 72 years old.  No one put me out to pasture.  I did it myself.
I swung the gate open and walked through, knowing full well what I was about.  No one is to blame but I.  I brought it all upon myself and I hate to think that I have deprived the woman I love more than my own life the pleasures of sex.  I say all that even though I'm not positive that our life together would have been any different now had I not done all those things in my past that have combined to keep me from being the lover I wish I could be now.  Sex IS a brain thing.  Whomever said that in their comment was right. But the brain is not the only thing involved. I still have the desire.  I still lust for the experience again but the fear of failure will always keep my desire and lust at bay.

I constantly worry about what some tell me is the inevitable. That is … one day I could lose all those precious sexual memories.  I love to sit alone and remember.  It has a pleasure all its own.  That is the one time I'm more worried than other times, fearing the loss of memory.  What a terrible shame it would be. 

My wife is twelve years younger than myself.  I wonder to myself … does she ever have such bouts of recall concerning the sex we have enjoyed together? If she does, is it a pleasure for her also?  If that's the case, why is it that she has never told me about it.  I can't count the number of times I have asked her a question about something, anything … and she comes back with … I haven't really thought about it. So, perhaps you can understand why I would be hesitant to ask her that question I wondered about earlier in this very paragraph.  I'm afraid that she will have a similar retort.  You see, I know that even at her more youthful age, she too is experiencing common bouts of forgetfulness, but it most likely short-term memory loss; at least, I hope that is the case.

Whenever I can bring myself to study my physical appearance in a mirror, I am truly disgusted by what I see.  That image is not one that represents my mental age.  In my mind, I am still that desirable man she once yearned to caress and hold tightly to her own bare flesh in a lustful embrace.  I am still capable and skilled at giving her pleasure.  Those kind of thoughts vanish quickly when I allow myself to see the real ME.

She no longer snuggles back in my direction when I come to our bed and lay down close to her, reaching out an arm to draw her close.  I can't blame her for that reaction. She is only being REAL. YES! We still touch one another in our own special way.  We are still capable of conveying passion with our hands and hugs, but they are rarely shared between us. I don't know why that should be … it simply is so.  Why; we even hold hands now and then as we walk along side by side.  It doesn't feel strange, not to me.  It is however, strange whenever I do think about the way we once were.  If that makes any sense whatsoever.  And yet, it seems that not too long ago, our 39 year old daughter noticed us embracing at what must have seemed to her as an unusual time and her joking reaction was … Hey! Get a room you two.  I wonder if she knows how much those words mean to us?